I donno whether i can carry on with this anymore... I dont feel happy. I feel like giving up. what am I still holding on to? I guess I am not suitable to get into relationships... I thought I've learnt my lesson well enough, never to make the same mistake again. but I was wrong. is she the right one? or am I just hoping for her to be the right one for me? what she say and what she do doesnt match at all. confused and curious, but I cant ask why. its too arkward. probably will lead to a fight. she isnt what I imagine her to be. day by day, the disappointment grow. when will she understand how I feel? she never will...

never blog for sooo long. find it funny and weird to blog again. does anybody still look at this blog?tell me in chat box okay...

I wanna talk about my girlfriend in this post.

this girlfriend of mine. we barely knew each other but we hit it off well enough. at first i thought it was perfectly normal and alright. but recently just after our first month, I began to think alot. all sort of things. her life and my life. quite different. our perspective in life. quite different as well. but one thing i know is that i am not regretting. this is also the first thing she asked me, before we got together. she asked me whether i would regret...and i said no. if she were to ask me the exact question now, the answer would still be no.

somehow...I feel that either I am too good for her, or I am not good enough for her. in my life, she is definitely not good enough for me. if i were to tell my family about how she used to be, they will change their view of her immediately. the one thing i am glad is that, she changed. for me. but who am i kidding...my family probably wont accept it. in her life, i am definitely not good enough for her. being small and insignificant, while she shine like the stars in the sky. this is not being ego, its the cruel truth. raised up without any talent or special skills nurtured in me, can only admire those that possess them. not blaming my parents or anything, but wont let this happen to my younger brother for suree.

past experience still haunts me. but not keeping me away from getting into relationships. must thank my ex. I learnt alot from her. trust and faith are truly the most important factors in maintaining a relationship. alot of people always say that relationship, dont have to give in your everything. but not giving your everything just shows how lightly you took the relationship and how heavy it weighs in your heart.

this is my point of view. there is no right or wrong. you can always agree or disagree. but do share with me your point of view. so that i can see things from different angle.

just want to blog about my life recently...

school is really quite tough?I thought after going to a SCIENCE course,I wont have any trouble in studying but seems like I am quite wrong...everything I learnt in Secondary school science just got alot more difficult...and lecturers really cant teach one.except for a few.I can just read notes and understand topic myself.Mathematics is really a disaster...seem so easy,yet so difficult.hais...

starting to really act like a clique now with my other 4 " ah ".i am ah yuan by the way.and there is ah jie,ah lee,ah ze and finally ah lias.what we do in school is simple.
1)go for classes(sianz)
2)eat ( nvr failed to do so everyday )
3)go library...(MH)
4)more classes(zZz)
5)L4D/go home(Y)

we like to talk cock talk crap and whatever you can think of.its fun.


To end this post,my life now is abit sian due to exam period.but during holiday still need to keep going to work.so where is my teenager life ar?lols.

oh yeah,I want to ask her out on 31 Aug.so if she sees this,she should know the "she" refers to herself.it is to repay what happened on 3 Jan this year.=P

today went to play basketball in the yishun neighbourhood.did the usual thing which is going to 3 different courts to play with outsiders.seriously,I havent touch basketball for quite some time except for once in school which I wont count it as really " playing basketball ".

no sweat today...opponents met were really like...not very strong?easy to fool around and manipulate the game.quite shocked actually.still got the moves despite rotting for so long.I think its like riding a bike.once you have the skill,you wont lose it.

I dont understand all those ah beng basketballer.its like they look so fierce and all but...not really that good afterall.haha.looks IS deceiving.LoL.had not been so tired since I was sick.it feels good to exercise.I just cant sit or lie down anymore.outing anyone?haha.

I want to go out badly!

watched more of those kung fu films.and bad guys in those movies always ended up dead.horribly.a spear through the stomach.ooh I can feel the pain.or drop off a 20th floor building.damn!that should hurt.and the most simple is one shot kill at the forehead.but old school movies are seriously way better and much interesting than movies nowadays.

school is reopening day by day...and I havent touch any work.physical chemistry really is tough.microbiology leaves me staring at the slides without getting anything into my head.inorganic chemistry still quite okay.mathematics = disaster!!

how to get high GPA like this...someone tell me what to do.

stayed at home for 4-5 days straight already...surprisingly,I haven't gone mad yet.haha.monday during work,I had stomach discomfort,when I went to see the doctor,it became gastric pain.so get gastric medicine.at home,it out of blue became intestine flu.had fever up to 39.8!how is that?horrible...eat porridge hand also will shake.lols.ended up not going to work at all.

I spent all my hours watching tv and movies from youtube...jackie chan and jet li's movies...awesome.haha.what a pity that I cant go L4D with my frens...no mood to study at all also...how?die...

my hair getting thicker and thicker.I wanna try leaving it long.and see how it goes.but I think shorter better lah.my head getting heavier and sweat easier.lols.

my pay is so pathetic...haha.but can survive lah...recently also never spend alot of money.never go out,no nice movies to catch,even money spent to buy water when basketballing also don have!!!but the hotdog from NYP cafe really tempting lah...cant stop at one.lols...

my stamina dropped I think...due to lack of basketballing and CCA-less.last time NCC one training at least will do a hundred push-up.then run here run there...hmm...come to think of it,I quite missed YTSS.the training,the canteen food and my classmates...nvm.June will have one camp for uniform group.and I am going.=)

I think that my course is starting to get more stress.but Japanese was still fun.all those weekly lab report really makes people...sian?but its counted into the total marks,so dont do also cannot.hais...lectures.lols.I practically can fall asleep.my class was arranged to seat right at the back of the lecture theatre...dont pay attention also wont get caught.screen too far cant see without specs then sian again...haha.tutorials are more effective in letting me learn more.but in fact,what I learning now is taught in Secondary le.so just recap i think...in case we forget everything when we went for that O lvl holiday...

tired...